In Loving Memory

Teagyn Chace Smith-Hendricks

Beloved only child of Nicola Smith

October 13, 2000 ~ January 8, 2005

D Bi-Functional Protein Deficiency

In Loving Memory of my Sweet Teagy Weagy!!

Two months ago you left my arms for a nicer place,

The hole in my heart, empty arms, is too much to embrace.

For four years I had you to love and care,

Little did I know God's plan, it is just not fair.

I love you and miss you each and every day,

My life never the same in a very different way.

Your face, your smile, your laugh I miss,

Your hugs, your eyes and your sweet kiss.

I will get through each day one minute at a time, from now on,

It was so easy loving you, yet so hard to go on.

The memories of you will live on in my heart,

My love for you will never depart.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow will never be the same,

I will never get to hear you call my name,

But I have been so blessed because I was your mum!

I love you and miss you and want you to know,

You are always with me wherever I go.

So till next time that we get to meet,

Have fun and be strong, it won't be too long,

A thousand hugs and kisses I send to you today

I will love you forever I just wanted to say.

A Letter to Teagyn

My sweet, sweet Angel,

I don't even know what to say to you except that I love you, I will always love you and I will always miss you.  The day you came into my life, Teagyn, my life changed forever.  I was so young and naive and had no idea how to be a mother, never mind the mother of a special needs child.  You have changed me Teagyn, you have changed everyone that knew you, and for that, princess, we will be forever grateful.

I will never ever be able to thank you for everything that you taught me.  You taught us all to cherish life, to marvel at the small accomplishments.  You taught us to be thankful for what we had and not dwell on the things that we didn't.  We had you, Teagyn, and we had love, and that was all that we needed.  You taught us all the ultimate gift, and that is, that love is unconditional and unselfish.  I never got to hear you say, "I love you Mummy," I never got an intentional hug or kiss, but all I had to do was look at you and I knew that

you felt my love, I knew that you loved me.

When I got your diagnosis in March of 2004, I was shocked and stunned--children with this illness do not normally live as long as you have, they do not normally accomplish the things that you did.  That just reassured me again that my baby truly was an angel.  I remember that day so well, hearing those words ring over and over again in my ears.  I vowed that day that I would do everything to help you and I hope I did, Teagyn.  When the doctor told me you couldn't hear, I cried there was no way, I used to sing to you and it soothed you when I sang, you stopped crying with the sound of my voice, I knew you could hear me.   Despite all that you had gone through, many illnesses, seizures, you kept on going.  I remember a day at a neurology appointment when the doctor said he was so amazed by you, he was amazed that you were still here, he was amazed that you found the strength to keep on going, and you did keep on going, you lived another six months after that.

I never thought that I would have to wake up and face a day without you.  Not once, it never crossed my mind, I thought that if I prayed hard enough we would get our miracle, I wanted our miracle.  I often dreamed of you running, laughing, playing, talking, being like any other four year old, and I hope now you are.  I hope now that you are in heaven with grandpa, you are able to do all of those things and more.  I guess when you think about it I did get my miracle, just not in the way I wanted it, I wanted it here on earth.  I wanted to see you be able to see you take your first steps.  I only hope and pray that you stay the sweet little girl I always remember until the day that we are able to meet again, then I too will be able to rejoice in all of your accomplishments.

I am forever grateful that you chose me to be your mummy, I have changed in so many ways.  I hope I can find the strength to continue on with my life and honor your memory.  I want you to be as proud of me as I am of you.

I love you baby girl, now, always and forever

Love always, Mummy  X X

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