How Expectations Cause Heartbreak


When we get into a relationship with someone, we all have expectations. We expect chocolates and roses, gifts, candlelight dinners, undivided attention, time and lots of it, etc. We hope for happiness and bliss. Believe it or not, the “expectation” is the cause of a failed relationship.

It’s not cheating or change of hearts, but these are both merely effects of not meeting the expectations. When we get into a relationship, we expect our partners to do this and do that. If they fail to do so, we get mad and unhappy. We start blaming them for how we feel and we begin to act negatively towards them, to maybe give them a hint that they failed to do something. We act indifferent towards our partners in the hope that somehow, they’d get a clue. Again, we expect them to understand and still, we suppose.

On your anniversary, you expect a surprise dinner or a romantic date somewhere, but it doesn’t happen. You feel disappointed and angry. No matter how you try to understand the shortcomings, there will come a time when you want just to burst out and complain. Negative words start circling your head, and it just won’t go away unless it comes out of your mouth. From these words, you begin to argue, and from arguments, you start to feel detached from your partner.

You start to divert your attention to different things that would somehow make you feel good and sadly, sometimes you sway your attention to someone. We tend to look for unmet expectations from someone else, hoping that somehow we’ll find them. Sometimes, it is too late to realize that we ruined our relationship just because our partner could not meet our expectations.


When we get married, there are more expectations in terms of roles. The husband is expected to provide and the wife is expected to take care of the household, cook delightful dishes, tend the kids and all. So if a husband fails to sustain the needs and financial stability of the family, it could be a severe problem. If a wife fails to take care of the household and just can’t do well in everything, it could be an issue. The expectation is everywhere, and we often give in to the thought that we are unhappy just because our expectations are unmet.


The expectation is not always wrong as when we get into a relationship; we are also expected to be honest and open with each other. Communication is the key. Be honest when you can’t meet your partner’s expectations. Ask for help when you want to do something for them but you just cannot. Apologize if you fail to do something and ask if there’s something you can do to make it up. The expectation is inevitably a part of every relationship. It’s just up to us on how we use it. Do we use it to make our relationship stronger or do we let it get in the middle of everything and control us? Remember, never to expect perfection because nobody is perfect, but you can expect that there will be a bump in the road along the way.